QUESTIONNAIRE & PERFORMANCE ORDER
Here is all the information you’ll need to book me. These forms are NOT INTERACTIVE, so you can’t simply type into the spaces and click at the bottom, but you CAN simply COPY & PASTE the questions into an e-mail form, complete them, and them send them to me via postal or e-mail.
If you’re planning to honor a spouse, partner, lover, friend, relative or c-worker, at your party, office, or banquet, use the Questionnaire directly below to give me the information I need to work up intelligent character and storyline suggestions. When you’re prepared to book the performance, use the Performance Order which follows below that.
Please be sure to read and follow all the directions, and fill out the forms completely, including, on the Performance Order, the performance date and time, which program you want, the rate I quoted you, and your signature and date at the bottom. Thank you!
QUESTIONS? CALL: 707-762-2596
* Please fill out this questionnaire as completely as you possibly can…the more detailed and complete your information, the better job I can do creating the storyline and doing the performance.
* Please don’t just put down answers…tell me all about the person…the performance will only be as pertinent as your information is thorough.
* Please don’t give me any jokes, songs, poems, or stories that are not explained. If you do give me such materials, please explain them fully. If I can’t understand it, I can’t use it.
* Please return the questionnaire, if possible, between 15 and 7 days before the performance. Please do NOT complete this Questionnaire more than a week or two in advance. The information should be as current as possible. Furthermore, I try to prepare myself for performances the morning of (to be fresh, and avoid confusion with other performances), so there’s no reason to rush.
* Please don’t worry too much about which celebrity we’ll use…just give me lots of info! If you do have specific preferences, please make that notation under the heading “ANY SUGGESTED STORYLINE”. Please DON’T just pick a celebrity at random…it can make for a dopey performance. If you like, I can call you with several specific ideas based on the information you’ve given me…that’s the best way to ensure that you’ll be happy.
* Please feel free to write volumes…the headings below are guidelines for, not limitations on, the sort and amount of information I’m seeking. Feel free to ignore this Questionnaire format and simply write me a biography about the honoree…just be sure that these basic components are included. If you have the honoree’s resume, web site address, or autobiography…send it! The more you give me, the more I can do and the funnier and more pertinent I can be!
* Please tell me in detail what this person is all about…what he or she is thinking about, interested in, working on, worried about…tell me how this person came to be the person this person is. Tell me all about this person’s significant other, friends, coworkers, boss, pets…anything about this person that is significant.
* I don’t do the generic, dopey, cop / drunk / ape “singing telegrams” offered by other companies. I will tie as many different aspects of the honoree’s life as I can into an intelligent, pertinent performance that those present will remember for years!
INFORMATION ABOUT YOU
YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE HONOREE: __________________________________
INFORMATION ABOUT THE HONOREE
FULL NAME: _____________________________________________________
BIRTH DATE: ___________________
HIGH SCHOOL (activities, etc.):
COLLEGE (degrees, etc.):
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION (include clothes, grooming, mannerisms, habits, voice, etc.):
SPOUSE / PARTNER / SIGNIFICANT OTHER / STEADY DATE (tell me all about ‘em):
WORK HISTORY (include company names, job titles, duties, bosses, coworkers, stories, etc.):
ANY SUGGESTED STORYLINE? WHAT PROJECTS, PROBLEMS, DECISIONS, MEMORIES, WORRIES, OR ANXIETIES HAS THE HONOREE CONTEMPLATED RECENTLY?
IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW OR YOU WANT ME TO MENTION? (SHALL I SAY THIS IS FROM ANYONE SPECIFICALLY OR NOT?)
YOUR NAME: _____________________________________
MAILING ADDRESS: ______________________________________________________
CITY: ____________________________ ST: _________ ZIP: ________________
PERFORMANCE DATE: ____/____/____ TIME: ________________________
VENUE (name of residence / business / facility): ________________________________
VENUE CITY: ____________________ VENUE PHONE: ______________________
VENUE STREET ADDRESS: ______________________________________________
NEAREST CROSS-STREET/POINT OF REFERENCE: ____________________________
DIRECTIONS, SPECIFICATIONS, ETC.:
PLEASE MARK THE PROGRAM YOU’VE SELECTED FROM THIS LIST:
____ Celebrity Impersonation
____ STARGRAM Singing Telegram
____ Christopher & Co. LIVE
____ “Life of the Party” Package
____ CAL-OSHA Safety Meeting
____ CELEBRITY SQUARES Game Show
____ “You Bet Your Life” with Groucho Marx
____ “Win Ben Sein’s Money” with Ben Stein
____ “You Want to be a Millionaire?” with Regis Philbin
____ Christopher’s Corporate Dinner Party Performance Package
____ Christopher’s MURDER MYSTERY
____ STILTWALKING Character(s) ____ hours
____ WALKAROUND Character(s) ____ hours
____ Master of Ceremonies ____ hours
____ One Man Pro-Am ____ hours
____ Charity Auction ____ hours
TOTAL RATE QUOTED: $________
CHARACTER(S) YOU’VE SELECTED: ______________________________________
The Fine Print
A booking is secured upon my receipt of your 50% nonrefundable deposit (at MY SOLE DISCRETION, IF you give me 5 or more days notice, and IF I have not missed any other bookings holding yours, I MAY return your cash, destroy the check, or refund your PayPal payment) in the form of CASH, PAYPAL, or CHECK (a check must be received and dated at least 5 business days prior to the event…you will pay a $25 service charge for each dishonored check whether or not I agree to do the performance). The balance is due PRIOR to my performance.
Under no circumstances will I begin a performance without first receiving from you: 1) this completed Performance Order, AND 2) full payment.
The purpose of this policy is to make clear the fact that I am NOT doing my performance for you on spec…you will pay me in-full, up-front whether you later think I’m funny or not. In the case of late-notice bookings, you MUST pay with PayPal OR cash PRIOR to the performance.
I reserve the right to refuse or cancel any performance at any time for any reason whatsoever, refunding to you any money you have already paid.
If you cancel giving me less than 4 hours notice, you must still pay me in full. You hereby agree that if you notify me upon my arrival for a performance that you are canceling that performance for any reason, you understand that I will keep your full payment for the performance.
You also hereby agree that if, upon my arrival, you should request that I wait to perform more than 15 minutes after either my arrival or the agreed performance time (whichever is later), you will pay me in cash an additional $1/minute. I can be patient for 15 minutes…you will pay for more than that. You hereby agree that if I am unable to wait due to any conflicting circumstances, I will nevertheless keep your full payment for the performance, whether I perform or not.
Due to the nature of this sort of work, and the possibility that your guests will see me when I arrive (the element of surprise is important), I will arrive on-site in-costume and in-character at the performance time, perform, and then leave, doing any changing and/or waiting off-site and out-of-view in my panel van.
My rates do not include early arrival time…as such, please write the time at which you want me to walk-in and begin performing above. If you want me to arrive early and wait out of costume, out of character, and out of view of the audience, add an extra $1/minute, and we’ll arrange how I will conceal myself from members of the audience until performance time. All extra time on-site, and in character and/or costume and/or with the audience is $2/minute.
I am frequently late, too, as previous events frequently run late, traffic is frequently heavy, and sometimes I just can’t get my wig on straight…IF I will be more than 15 minutes late, I will call the “Venue Phone” number you gave me above, and, unless my tardiness is the result of your improper directions to the venue or instructions about the performance, I will refund you $1/minute AFTER the first 15. If you need me to be perfectly punctual, notify me upon booking…if your budget allows, and the start time is imperative, the best thing to do is pay me to be there 15-30 minutes early.
Since comedy is in the mind of the beholder, fees are due even if you believe I was not funny. That is to say, I will allow…
Furthermore, the substance of a performance is not to be taken seriously since remarks and innuendoes made by the performer are improvised in jest, and do not necessarily reflect his actual views. If you don’t have a sense of humor, please don’t expect me to make you laugh.
Despite these firm words, you will find me to be generally funny, fun, flexible, and friendly. I try to do everything I can to make you happy with my work. Please don’t book this performance if you’re not comfortable with these terms. By signing below, you order the performance described above under the conditions described herein.
Signed:___________________________________________ Date: ____/____/____
Return this completed form to:
E-MAIL (ONLY if you’re pre-paying the full amount with PayPal): HireAStar@aol.com
P-MAIL: Christopher Linnell POB 2927 Petaluma CA 944953-2927
QUESTIONS? CALL: 707-762-2596